I decided to use this sniper shot I took today as my blog photo because it so accurately reflects that moment in an audition room that is a mix of contemplation, exhaustion, patience, frustration, and hope.

Audition 14 from yesterday did happen after much waiting around. At least it kept me out of the apartment and away from boredom.

Although it was highly indicative of a problem in this business – The Grudge. Oh, the grudges that can be held in this business. And the amount of time. And for the dumbest reasons.

Five years ago when I first came to this city I was lucky to book an off-Broadway show in which I was one of the leads. The show kept getting extended. As we were about to close I got my then first agent who got me an audition for Oklahoma (the first and last I went to and agreed to once I realized what a ridiculously racist role it is – I’m sure I don’t have to say which role it was). I booked it. Then my show extended for two more weeks. I tried to negotiate showing up later in the rehearsal process but that was a no-go, so I turned it down. Why would I leave a lead role in an off-Bway show to do a small role in a regional theatre when I had only two weeks left?

Besides I had done every single performance and I wasn’t about to let someone else do the role to see it out.

My agent told me I was making a mistake and the CD would not soon forget it as he had a penchant for being a grudgey brat.

That OK production ended up being cancelled.

I ended my run.

I dropped that agent.

I forgot about the CD.

Until today…

He clearly had not forgotten and although he was not going to say anything snarky he certainly behaved like I needed to really impress him.

Five years ago I woulda freaked.

Today – I flash a toothy hello, don a shit eating grin, and dare him to find fault in blowing his ass out of the water with a ridiculous rendition of a Disney song I do that is one-thirds Luther Vandross and two-thirds Billy Porter.

He started with his arms crossed, legs outstretched, and feet shaking. Halfway through the shaking stopped. By the end he was leaning forward.

Smiled flashed.

Grin donned.

And peace out.

There is NO rhyme or reason in this biz, so it’s best to just do your work, kick ass at it, and realize that 99% of things are outta your control so why stress.

On to Audition 15 today. I booked it over there after teaching to find a half empty room, so getting an appointment was easy. And I got to run into someone whose face and personality I quite enjoy.

But that room was the classic example
of a stereotypical audition room (forget that nonsense on Smash).

I’m talking vocal warm ups, intimidation runs, name dropping, what did you do questions, what are you doing next interrogations, bad outfits, and over eagerness so thick you could spread it on toast.

I wish I could report something nutty about the audition, but it was standard. Except for the fact that unlike almost everyone else who went in before me I didn’t feel the need to screlt my face off (scream + belt. A dangerously overdone thing in audition rooms of late). I mean I sing my stupid high notes, but I know my limits. Most others don’t.

If you don’t think you can hit the note – you can’t.

If you think it might sound bad – it does.

I like to rely on shocking people behind the table with the fact that a) I’m THIS ethnic and can sing (virtually unheard of in my community), b) I sing high even though I have dark features (which apparently always means you’re a baritone. See? A no sense biz), and c) I bring something new to the table they are not sure what to do with.

Figure it out coz it ain’t my job.

My heart WAS happy to see so many actors of color today (NONE yesterday and I was there for 5 hours and there were two other auditions going on). Though I suspect it’s because the role asked for a specific race. That’s the only time actors of color will come out in droves.

What about the other times? Come on! Make people take notice! Be the change you wanna see in the world.

A couple of friends have said they wanna join the bandwagon and I say “YES!” Do it!

You join too!

Otherwise we just keep getting ignored until we disappear.

Yes…it has been a month since my last post.

Sans judgement s’il vous plait.

I got busy then had to go out of town for a week then got back and couldn’t have given a shit about auditioning.

That’s the truth.

But I woke up today and dusted myself off and told myself to get over myself. I doubt I’ll hit the 100 auditions within the 100 days but anything is possible.

I actually haven’t had my 14th audition yet. I’m sitting in the hallway outside of the holding room (because actor chatter drives me nuts) waiting for my name to be called. I got a late start and my audition karma must have run out because I’m on the Alternate A list (see previous posts for explanation of list processes).

I had a moment of just giving up on this thing but realized that people are actually reading it and if I give up then I’m just letting the powers-that-be win and affirm the worthlessness I feel as an actor of color trying to make people uphold the EOE statement.

I went home to Florida last month for a wedding and to see friends and family. I always make it a point to stop by the theatres I essentially grew up performing in and catch up with the people in the middle of rehearsals.

One theatre was doing The Pajama Game, and wanting to stay abreast of the local gossip I asked who the leads were. To my surprise Babe is being played by a Filipina and Sid by a Latino. I say “surprised” not because they are ethnic but because there in little ol’ Florida a theatre was practicing color blind casting and no one was batting an eye.

Listen when I was there I was the only actor of color in shows playing lead roles no Brownie has any business playing (if we go by NYC rules). Being an actor in NYC has made me appreciate so much more the chances I was given. I mean it DID slightly ruin my perceptions of my castability, but if the leads in a traditional American musical
can be ethnic there why doesn’t that happen here?

The assumption has been that regional audiences like their shows whitewashed – I mean they’re not as metropolitan as NYC so they are not quite ready for mixed casts. Right… And certainly you would believe that with the recent casting debacles of the all-white Hairspray, the non-Asian led Miss Saigon, and the white-for-Nuyorican Motherfucker with a hat. But it seems that colorblind casting is healthier outside of NYC.

So what the hell is the problem here?

And hence why I am back here after wallowing in my own self-pity. Someone has to fight. Even if it’s one person who isn’t much of anybody. Because if someone asks me if I did my part and tried to fight and I say “no” then I WILL have failed.

So…I’m waiting. On this bench. Waiting to be called. Trying to change even on person’s mind.

Today was another one of those days.

Must be one of those weeks.

The kind where the city is going to end up killing you or you will end up killing someone.

I think I used up my audition karma for the week, too. I don’t think in 5 years I have ever wanted to throttle a piano player.

So Auditions 12 and 13 all happened in the same place within two hours of one another. Again, walked in, got some times, all worked out. Except for dealing with a Typhoid victim who would NOT stop coughing and clearly had no interest in getting a drink of water, sucking on a lozenge, or just dying to give the rest of us some peace and quiet. And except for the guy who walked around and read the breakdowns out loud to himself and rationalized what role he was perfect for. Out – Loud.

That Equity building is a comedy sketch I am telling you.

I straddled both worlds today with a musical audition and a Shakespeare one. The former was first.

I have to say that I have been relatively lucky in the past 5 years to have great accompanists in auditions.

Well…except for the one lady who could not play my song and literally stopped three bars into it thus leaving me to sing acapella but coming in at the end with an inappropriate button.

And the guy who decided to change keys in the middle of my song for no good reason.

Still – 2 in 5 is not bad. But today was the worst. The WORST. Here is how it went:

Audition 12 by Sevan K. Greene

[Sevan walks into the room]

Me: Hey.

Man-Behind-Table: Hey there. How are you?

Me: Great. And yourself?

M-B-T: Good.

[Sevan walks to accompanist and set folder down]

Me: Please play these two measures [measures are HIGHLIGHTED] and give me a bell tone.

Shit-For-Brains-Piano-Man: What are you singing?

Me: [Song Title]

S-F-B-P-M: No, what are you singing? How am I supposed to follow you?

Me: Just follow that melody line [HIGHLIGHTED] and the bass line [HIGHLIGHTED].

S-F-B-P-M: But I don’t know what you’re singing.

Me: I had to remove the lyrics because they were cramping up the staves. This was cleaner. Sorry about that. But just play this [HIGHLIGHTED] after the bell tone and we’ll be good.

[silence from S-F-B-P-M]

[Sevan walks to center. Bell tone given. Sevan sings. NO accompaniment is played. And when it does come in it is not in the same key.]

Sevan: I’m sorry, can we do that again?

[M-B-T smiles congenially.]

S-F-B-P-M: Yeah, you were singing it in a  different key than what I have.

Sevan: [to himself] Then why did you play that bell tone moron? No worries. Just play that highlighted part and we’ll be good and I will go along.

[S-F-B-P-M just starts playing without a bell tone. Sevan stands there hoping he will stop and wait. He doesn't.]

Sevan: I’m sorry, let’s do that again. Please just play the tone and then accompaniment. [to M-B-T] Sorry about this.

[M-B-T smiles. Looks down. He is now feeling my pain and has lost interest. Before Sevan even has a chance to breathe and look out and set himself, S-F-B-P-M starts playing. Sevan gives up and just sings. M-B-T never looks up once. Song ends.]

Sevan: [to M-B-T] Thank you.

[Sevan walks to S-F-B-P-M and takes folder.]

Sevan: Thanks for nothing you cocking moron. Get a new job you raging hemorrhoid. Thank you.

[End of Scene]

I was…in a word…seething. A friend who happened to be there and went in before me (Hi Leah!) said that he was playing something funky that wasn’t even on the page.

Look, buddy, your job is to play what is on the page and what we ask you to and not to argue back and question when I know exactly what I want and need to sing the damn song.

Ass.

Thank God I had an hour and a half before my next one. It gave me time to sit and relax.

Well, once I moved away from Typhoid Mary.

Audition 13 was a relative breeze. In and out. I had fun. I got a few chortles. I moved on. And now I am sitting down to get this out of my system before I truly do kill the next person who leans on me as they fall asleep, steps on my feet, bumps into my twig and berries with their bag, or looks over my shoulder to read my Kindle.

If you see me on NY1 you won’t be too terribly surprised, I imagine.

No more auditions for this week as I need a wet nap for my brain and holy water for my soul.

I was an angry actor today.

Partially for no good reason because sometimes you just wake up and have a piss-poor attitude you can’t shake.

Partially because the auditioning experience today was just testing my patience.

I hadn’t planned on going to any, but I was out and about and had all my audition stuff with me so I just went. It was a mixed bag of waiting around, long alternate lists, and getting seen immediately.

But there must have been some weird energy floating around today because I swear I was accosted and had to deal with the most paranoid and neurotic actors today.

This is something I have never understood since I became a professional actor 5 years ago. I don’t get the pacing, the talking to oneself, the silent performing in the corner, the analyzing, the vapid chit-chat before and after with strangers.

I mean, I GET it, but I don’t get it.

And I don’t have a high tolerance for dealing with it.

I tried to kill two birds with one stone at the Equity building, but one audition had an 85 person alternate list (in brief – auditions go like this: Equity members get there early and sign up for appointments, when they are all gone, members get onto alternate lists and get seen if the room is running ahead or if appointments don’t show up, then there is a waiting list for EMC – Equity Member Candidates – people, and then a waiting list for non-equity members. Essentially, one list has to clear before the next can even be considered. It’s vile sometimes.) So I opted NOT to put my name on that list – I miss the EPA experience but not THAT much.

The second one had some times left and a short alternate list so I decide to get a time AND get on the alternate list.

And much to my surprise part of the procedures have changed.

See, once upon a time, not so long ago, you could sign up for a time AND get on the alternate list in the hopes that the latter would happen for you before the former. But NOW if you want to get an appointment time AND get on the alternate list there is a “B” list which is sandwiched in between the regular alternate list and the EMC one.

To quote Amy Winehouse: What kind of fuckery is this?

So I had about three hours to kill but didn’t feel like going home. I also wanted to hang around and count the actors of color that came and went. This was a mistake.

I just found myself getting irritated that there weren’t more showing up. Out of 125 people I counted there were only 5 who showed up for two theatres and 12 shows.

Five. And no Asians, no South Asians, no Middle Easterners.

So by the time this actress came huffing over and planted her self next to me to talk about her audition and what the people did behind the table as she performed and repeatedly asking me: That’s a good sign right? I was not in any way interested in entertaining her.

She eventually realized I was ignoring her. And started to talk to herself. And point out to herself that she was talking to herself. Next to me.

The lunch break came none too soon and as my appointment was after the break I decided to walk 10 blocks down to another one to make good use of my time.

And the entire walk I just kept getting more and more irritated and fantasizing ways to rally actors of color one morning and just all show up at one single audition. I mean, what a sight that would be. A sea of actors of color taking up the entire room and the entire audition day and just making those people behind the desk have to wrestle with the EOE statement they slap on there because they are forced to.

Note: This is not a good frame of mind to be in when you audition.

I get to the studio not even realizing I walked there (one of those out-of-body moments) and get an appointment for Audition 10.

The good thing about today, and a nice change of pace, was that these were all play auditions. And I got to put my Shakespeare monologues to use and play with them some more.

But I was so distracted I couldn’t enjoy myself. I couldn’t be funny. I couldn’t do my job. I couldn’t enjoy the Shakespearean syntax. And my terrorist monologue just came off as a bad Law and Order episode. I mean they seemed to enjoy it and I got the possibly perfunctory “really good work” and “thank you” and I just smiled, mumbled a “thank you,” and walked out.

Believe me when I say the energy you bring into the room makes a massive difference. Sometimes people make their decisions based on the first 10-seconds of your walking into the room and saying hello before you even get to do your material.

It also didn’t help that I had to deal with TWO actors on either side of me in line who were losing their shit. One couldn’t stop fixing his hair and his clothes and pacing into my personal bubble and the other just kept repeating his monologue over and over and over and over. I have learned to keep my iPod in my ears up until I go into the room. That energy is just toxic and distracting. Yeah, I know, everyone has their own process.

Whatever.

I walk back up the 10 blocks, thinking of ways to ignite this theatrical revolution, wondering if I am being an idiot about this whole thing, and questioning whether this is ever going to work and make some kind of change. This is not self-pity – this is sincere questioning.

I only have to wait 20 minutes until I get called up for Audition 11. I wait in line, go over my monologue in my head one time, and tell myself to snap the hell out of it and remember why I am doing this.

So I was surprised when I got into the room and found a familiar face who remembered me and who I haven’t seen in a while. It’s rare that you get to just stand there and shoot the shit for a while and talk shop and have a conversation with someone behind the table who genuinely wants to know how you are what you are doing.

It also reaffirms to me, again, why Tara Rubin’s casting office knows what the hell they are doing in how they treat and interact with actors.

Look, no one likes EPAs on either side of the table. And I’ve heard the squawking and yelling and screlting (belting + screaming) that often comes from those rooms. I can’t imagine the drudgery of sitting in those rooms all – which is why I am sure assistants and interns are often sent.

Not with Tara Rubin.

The casting person who was in there really re-affirmed that what I was doing was a smart move as we talked about my jumping back into EPAs and getting my skillz back up to par. It put me at ease. It allowed me to breathe. It allowed me to enjoy the work I did. It also allowed me for a brief 60 seconds to forget I was an actor of color and was just an actor…which is, truly, a beautiful thing to experience in a business where that label is a blessing, an honor, and a curse.

And I felt good about what I did. And so did the person behind the table. And the fact that we kept chatting after the fact was just such a nice change of tune. And as an actor when you leave a room feeling good about what you did in there and don’t care about whether you book the gig or not – it’s a gold star moment.

I mean you’d sacrifice a small child to get the gig, but I’m just saying, you don’t spend the next hour over-analyzing and re-living it.

I still think there’s a way to get more forward momentum because as much as I enjoy sharing these stories and having you read them there is a larger purpose to all of it. And I don’t want to let the moment pass by without having actually done something important.

You gotta love the bard…when you can make heads or tails of what he’s saying.

I technically had three auditions today but the first was for a Shakespeare training intensive and I don’t think that counts as part of the 100 in 100. But what WAS enlightening about it was the variety of actors of color who were called in and the fact that I miss Shakespeare and am rusty as a 9th century crucifixion nail in doing that kind of work.

The two auditions that concern 100 in 100 where a random choice made last night.

I seem to have good luck just waltzing into rooms and getting appointments for within 20 minutes of my arriving. I question what is going on but not enough to care because it means less time spent in those oppressive rooms wafting with paranoid energy and vocal warm-up posturing.

Some days it’s like Mutual of Musical Theatre Omaha…

However, I did almost have an embarrassing moment at audition one because I had decided on singing until I read the notice carefully and realized there was only one musical in the season…for a one-woman show…who is black…

And although 100 in 100 is about going in for everything, I think this one would have been shooting myself in the foot.

Although I did tell the folks behind the desk I almost sang for the role, which went over surprisingly well.

I had to do a monologue though, and as you know from reading previous posts, I have none (yet) because I never needed them and I’m lazy.

But the great thing about being a playwright is having monologues already written for characters that I essentially could play. Is it tacky to do my own material? Probably. Is it a smart time-saver? Damn skippy.

And really – how many people are gonna do a monologue about being mistaken for a terrorist?

It was short and simple and I got some chortle so how am I gonna complain. Plus I decided to be cheeky and go in pretending I was a Brit. I dunno – it seemed right. I felt frisky. I thought – why not?

However, I did NOT avoid an embarrassing moment at the second audition.

Maybe it was getting there just in time to be put on deck. Maybe it was because I was up at 6am. Maybe I was already burning out because I had not eaten all day. Maybe I’m making excuses.

I sang a song for a show I love. A song I have done many-a-times. One I know in my sleep. Or so I thought…

The piano launches (at a tempo much faster than previously agreed upon – bastard). I sing. I change pronouns on the fly to match the character in the show I would like to play. I get to the chorus. I sing. I realize I have no idea what in the HELL I am saying.

And I end up repeating the same three phrases. But with no time to think and adjust I just give each line a different reading. And of course I wonder if they noticed because they look so unamused behind that table. And how could they not? I mean…no one is THAT thick.

And all I can do is laugh really. I mean, realistically, the show is gonna go for names for the lead roles, so I am not that gutted because I didn’t stand much of a chance even if I channeled Freddy Mercury and went nuts in the room. But it’s a damned good lesson. I managed to get two Shakespeare monologues under my belt in 5 days, do them flawlessly, pull a monologue out of my butt last minute, but FUBARed something I’ve done so many times.

And thus is the magic of being in this business.

The kind of magic that makes you want to murder the man behind the curtain.

Today was a fairly good day for spotting actors of color, though. Given the shows, I expected it though, but they were only African American actors. I wanted more variety. I wanted others.

I just realized that the “day” markings in the titles could be misleading. Although I have done 4 days of auditions that is over the course of 10 business days. So methinks it’s time to rethinks that method of labeling my posts. I’ll just start my posts with this:

10 days/7 auditions

Yes – I think that will work.

I started late today – on purpose – mostly because, and I say this with no embarrassment, I was up late playing a video game. It’s so damned good and I’m so damned impatient that I can’t stop until I finish a level.

And it turns out it didn’t hurt me because I rolled up in there late and got seen in 30 minutes.  This was a completely random audition (but I suppose they all are?). I haven’t done many this week because it’s been a crazy week and most of the good stuff happened yesterday. So I used this one to try out a completely new song that I have never even sung before live let alone in an audition.

And for those wondering if I go to play auditions – yes – I will – when I have monologues memorized. Anyway, the majority of the auditions in this period are for musicals. And I sing. So you have to sit through those. For now.

It doesn’t happen often that you have an accompanist that doesn’t know what he is doing. But this one – did not. I heard it four people before me. His fingers were clearly not going to cooperate with what was on the page. I knew I was in for a treat. New material + bad player = no es bueno.

After two false starts and an admission that he didn’t do well reading scores (The old school hand-copied style. Oh, and did I mention he’s the musical director?) we finally synced it up and I launched into it. I would have been better off bringing a karaoke track.

Look, it wasn’t the most stellar audition of my life, but it was good to test out whether this new material works on me and it does so that is one check mark.

The best part of this whole thing for me was truly the people watching. It was a BONANZA of oddities including:

1) TILM being there -again. And, really, everyone knows who he is.

2) The old equity actors who still hang about the lounge and talk about the old days.

3) One of the #2s having VERY LOUD phone conversations over and over despite being shushed.

4) Another of the #2s reading a magazine…from 1989.

5) Someone who literally set up house with his iPad hooked up to watch a movie, a laptop, and a snack bag.

6) An actor who exited the room laughing out loud and proclaiming before the door behind him even closed: Booked it!

7) And a collection of free books that included the one above.

And – yes – I took the book. How could I not?

But…the one thing I didn’t see is a single actor of color. Not one. If I have to go out there and drag you all in, I will.

We gotta make a difference however small.

So to that end I’m adding another component to this project. But I can’t talk about it now. Yes, I cyber-teased you. But if it works out it will be a very good thing.

Now go enjoy your weekend. I’m gonna go check out my canned goods.

I know I said I wouldn’t include agent-driven auditions in this initiative, but there’s always an exception isn’t there.

So I had one of those agent-driven auditions for a show happening on the other coast that has a production running in NYC right now.

And for those wondering why I never give out names and specifics – I may be all about raising awareness and exposure, but not at the risk of destroying my career. Human pettiness being what it is, I prefer to play it safe.  Besides, this is not about attacking people/agencies.

Well….not ENTIRELY.

I have avoided seeing the NYC production because I had gone in for it, along with A LOT of my other ethnic cohorts.  And at the end of the day NONE of us got cast. I mean: None. But I decided to do some research just for the visuals and stumbled on the NYC production photos and was naively taken aback.

They had, for the most part, Caucasian actors with fake beards….and brown face. BROWN. FACE.

Look, I get that it’s usually about talent. Usually. But I refuse to believe now, as I did then, that even without myself in the equation, that NONE of my cohorts were good enough to be cast. I know many of the ones that went in and some of them are SICK actors. So what happened?

And in this case, the casting director did his job by bringing in the appropriate actors. Could the director have been that flippant about the ethnic accuracy of the characters? And if so, why is that same flippancy not applied to traditionally white shows?

I guess Ben Nye and a damn good lace front is all you need to pass off anybody as an ethnic character. I mean it worked for Jonathan Pryce in Miss Saigon, right?

Oh wait – that didn’t go over so well.

Perhaps not ironically while I was in the waiting room I read a recent article about the white washing of Hollywood using The Hunger Games movie as a jump off.

Look, this is nothing new. Look at movies like Avatar (not the blue-skinned aliens one). Whitewashing source material for Hollywood production and general public ingestion is not new. It ain’t right, don’t get me wrong. We’re still stuck on those tried-and-true notions of light = good and dark = bad.

Unless it’s about Nazis in which case all bets are off.

To be honest I thought about the white washing (I call it white-out) while I read the novel. I somehow missed that Rue was black and Katniss being olive-skinned didn’t make me think she was anything but white. Halfway through the second book I thought: Where the hell are all the colored people??? And did only black people survive only to becomes Roots rejects? Good God – where are the Latinos?

My default is often whatever color the author is unless otherwise specific in the book. Not saying that’s right. And while this is different because the book is kinda clear about the races of the surviving people, reading the article just reinforced again why I am doing this 100in100 project and why this stuff really strikes a nerve with me.

It’s hard enough to compete with peers of the same ethnicity, but having to worry about everyone else now thanks to a fake beard and some brown make-up doesn’t instill much faith in me about chances and possibilities for actors of color. And it makes me wonder why then it’s not ok for white actors to be in black face playing black characters (Robert Downey, Jr. aside) or for the same to happen with Latino actors? But it’s ok with Middle Eastern and South Asian (look at Dominic Cooper in The Devil’s Double)?

And oddly enough, all these thoughts didn’t make me anxious or angry or nervous before I went it. I found myself just not caring. I found myself thinking: Well, kinda silly for me to let this affect what I do in there if it really will end up having nothing to do with my ability and everything to do with my appearance.

And I am starting to think that just not giving a shit in an audition room is truly the key because it allows you to do your best work without the whispering voice.

Or as Jan Maxwell said she thinks when she walks into the room: You can’t have Jan Maxwell.

Although in my case, I should have subbed in my name instead of using that phrase verbatim.

I said in my first post I wouldn’t mention casting agents/agencies but today’s 100/100 agent deserves a shout out. Tara Rubin and Merri Sugarman should be lauded as one of the only, if not the only, major casting directors that consistently bring in actors of color for shows/roles that are color free or unspecific. And I admire them greatly for this.

They also happen to be amazing/fun ladies so come on…

Since I have been in NYC they have called me in for lead roles in Evita, Shrek, Shakespeare and…Jersey Boys.

I know, I know. But one should never question the casting agents or muses. They truly are open to diverse casting. The EOE statement is not lip service to them. And to the best of my knowledge they were the only casting agency at AAPAC’s recent forum. They get mad respect for that if for nothing else.

We’ll just assume the others were feeling guilty busy.

So when I found out Merri was going to be in the room I was ecstatic. I was doing different material than she has seen from me for a show that I probably have no business being in (How to Succeed…). But, again, that’s not the point of this project. I had nothing to prove to her other than doing my job as an actor because she makes it easy for me to be an actor sans adjectival descriptors.

What did annoy me is that there was only one other person of color there. An African-American female. Where are my other Brownies? Ideologies don’t change unless they are challenged.

Actually, I lie. There was another. The one mentioned in the last post who will now be known as T.I.L.M.

He is a piece of work folks.

I did for about a minute feel really out of place and wonder why in the hell I was in that room. I felt that I had no right to be there. I had to very quickly snap myself out of that mindset. It’s probably what many actors of color go through sitting in those rooms where one of the things is not like the other. I can’t help thinking how amazing the power in solidarity would be. To walk into a room where there were a slew of actors of color auditioning for a show in which there were none.

That…is the end dream of 100/100.

As a heads up – there won’t be other posts this week because a) I am swamped and b) I hit 5 auditions this week so I’ve met the goal for the week of at least one a day per business day.

That doesn’t mean other issues won’t be up for grabs though

A little preamble…

Note: This post is longer than normal because of the background info on this project. Most will not be long. Stick through it…please

A few months ago my friend Angel started talking to me about this grassroots movement that had begun in the Asian acting community which led to the formation of the Asian American Performers Action Coalition. They gathered some pretty impressive and shocking data that highlighted the percentages of actors of color working on Broadway, off-Broadway and regional theatres (you can go to my post here to read those stats).

The lack of visibility of actors of color on the stage is not a new problem. This has been a consistent issue that many actors gripe about (rightly so) but have been able to do little about. The last time I heard of a group going to Equity to lodge a complaint they were basically told to shove off and be happy that at least Bombay Dreams was running.

I looked at the stats of my own group which was even more depressing – I talked about it in my post on the Public Theater Blog. I have been disgruntled with my profession for a while and not feeling like it was really worth it at the end of the day to keep trying because a) the default was always going to be white and b) the next default was going to be a name actor. And in my community, pickings is so slim that once one actor gets a major accolade or role (despite talent or lack of) the rest of us are essentially up that well-known creek without a paddle.

But the AAPAC, and my post, and talking to other artists of color got me fired up. I could do what many people do, what has been endemic in the history of humanity, which is to just sit there and ho-hum and realize that the group mentality is the one to go with, or I could do something about it in my own small way. So I decided to try this little artsy initiative of 100 Auditions in 100 Days and to blog/tweet about it to anyone who wanted to listen and join in.

The point: Rather simple. Go to 100 auditions in 100 days (business days that is – let’s not get TOO ambitious). Auditions of all kinds – musicals or plays – for shows of all kinds…even ones with all white casts.  I am under no illusion that I will get hired or called back for any of them. For me this is about raising the profile of actors of color in the room. And to encourage others to go out even if they feel it is “pointless” and that the EOE statement on the auditions is a piece of boilerplate tripe (and it is). And it’s some damned good practice and networking anyway. AND if I do get hired, well then, it’s win-win.

What really cemented this for me was talking to a casting director I have become slightly chummy with. He asked me why no actors of color had come in for a show he was casting even though he explicitly expressed interest. And my response: No one buys it anymore. And for the most part, we don’t. I have gotten so used to categorizing myself that I only go out for shows that list an ethnicity I share (and I got three to pick from).

Though to be honest, the last audition I went on that was not motivated by my agent or manager was three years ago. It’s been 3 years since my last EPA. THREE. YEARS. Yeah, sure, EPAs are also somewhat pointless – that is no secret in our industry. But if I want people to start seeing me, and I mean actually see me, and others like me, and take us as serious viable options then I can’t wait to be called in for a role I “fit.” I have to challenge the patriarchy. Present them with a different option. Make people tilt their heads. Cause confusion. And if I am good enough in that moment, make them wrestle with the decision to call me back or hire me despite my ethnic background.

So I am starting this little project. And I started it with an unexpected bang and on a whim this morning. So I’ll write about the auditions, the rooms, the racial make-ups, the funny parts, the frustrating parts, sometimes the sad ones. I’ll blog, vlog, and tweet. I’ll take pictures and post. I’ll gladly tell you when I embarrass the shit out of myself in a room. I won’t really mention the theatres unless they do something horribly egregious and need to be called out. This is not about snark. It’s anecdotalizing and journalism…ok, maybe a LITTLE snark. And I hope that it inspires you (the actor of color) to get out there and do the same thing. To challenge people. To make them pay attention. To realize that we are worthy and viable options.

Day 1/ Auditions 1-4

I wish I could say some big event inspired me to start. But no – it was simply a decision made last night to join my friend Kim on her round of auditions today. She’ll lead. I’ll follow. I’ll audition for whatever she does.

Finding my sea legs again was a bit wonky as I haven’t been to one of these things in 3 years. I got lazy when I got an agent and manager. And the last EPA I went to made me so angry I vowed never to go to another one again. What happened? In this major casting office (you know the one – we ALL want to be on their radar and ALL can’t stand them for always calling in the same people), I heard someone in the office say within earshot: “God, it’s like Slumdog Millionaire out there.”

Oh, yes. It happened.

So I decided to never go back to one of these things.

Today that changed. Also, it’s been 3 years and I’ve gotten over my hang ups (for the most part) and really just don’t care. I’m Brown – suck it up and deal with it.

I had almost forgotten what it was like to wake up at 7am to get ready and downtown by 8am to sit on the floor and wait to get into a holding room to then wait until 9 to get in line to sign up for a slot or to get on the wait list. Today was surprising because I managed to get to four auditions. It was that sparse. I don’t assume it will be like this everyday, but it would damned well be nice.

Amongst the people throwing around idle gossip, dropping names, and trying to intimidate people with their siren warm ups (it’s 8am – shut up and chill out), I sat with Kim and we talked. About nothing. Trying to make one another laugh. Mostly by my making disparaging comments about the non-union folks.

I DID say SOME snark.

The first was for a revival of a musical a major organization is mounting. I was thrilled to get an early slot. And then realized as I looked around the room that I was the ONLY actor of color there. Not even a single African-American. Granted, this may have changed throughout the day, but at that moment, in that holding pen room, there was nary another skin tone but white and me. And the EOE statement was on the notice.

Kim and I decided to leg it downtown 1 block and try our luck at signing up for a production of I Love You, You’re…blah blah blah. Despite the oppressive heat in the room (BTW, great weather today right?) which smelled like hairspray, feet, and paranoia, we got early slots.

We leg back up 1 block for this revival – Audition #1. I see a familiar face in the room behind the piano, which is always helpful, I sing, I revert back to the non-equity me hoping for some scribbling on the resume or studying of the headshot (and on this day I have no new ones so I am using my old ones where I have a fatter fuller face and look 5 years younger), then realize to myself: Fuck it. Just sing the shit out of the song and have fun.

And I do. It’s the least nervous or anxious I have been at an audition. And, sure, there’s no pressure because I’m not actively thinking I will get hired. But isn’t that the key really? To just go in there and be yourself and have fun. It’s YOUR time. Enjoy the hell out of it even if the person is texting on their phone, eating potato chips, or picking their nose.

These are all true occurrences.

Kim and I are on a high and we figured, oh what the hell, we have an hour before Perfect, let’s leg it 10 more blocks and sign up for another call. And we got seen within 10 minutes of being there – Audition #2.  And for shits and giggles we decided to sing the same song – she stole it from me at an audition a while back. She sounds great singing it. I love the song. So I do the second part of it at my auditions. And since we’re going in back-to-back we figure this will be a great anecdote one day.

Like…today.

This particular regional theatre (a major one) had planned A Chorus Line, Legally Blonde, Sunset Boulevard and 42nd Street for their season. Their notice also stated: Performers of all ethnic and racial backgrounds are encouraged to attend.

I assure you that I, once again, was the only one there of a differing background. EXCEPT for one person who apparently has become a bit of a legend in the audition circles. You know the type: Strange, awkward, over-enthusiastic, in the way, nosey, at ALL the calls. I saw him everywhere I went today. And while I was happy he was another actor of color, and of MY ethnicity, I was also a little let down that he was a little maligned everywhere I went.

But whattayagonna do.

We sing, the room is cold (not temperature, energy – YOU know what I mean). Who cares. No time to think. Dash back up 10 blocks for Audition #3.

Thankfully I see two other actresses of color. African-American, but, hey, for Perfect… that’s not always a given, so it’s good to see them. And, again, this theatre has noted:  Performers of all ethnic and racial backgrounds are encouraged to attend.

Why aren’t they there? I know there aren’t that many of us, but there are enough, right?

I sing. I get an arm reach across the table to read my resume. I get some raised eyebrows for the ridiculous high note I hold at the end that’s just vocal masturbation, to be honest. But I am having such a damned good time. I’m on a high. Who the HELL am I?

Kim and I decide, you know what, it’s such a good day, let’s keep it going. We jet to the Equity and sign up for a theatre doing Ring of Fire, Suds, 39 Steps, and the Western Nunsense.

At this point you think: YOU went in for THEM?

Yeah, I know. It’s laughable. But they had the same EOE statement on their notice. And 100/100 is all about going in for anything and everything no matter how insane. And I get to test out new material.

We easily get slots for after lunch. We decide to treat ourselves to…a major chain restaurant in Times Square I can’t divulge because it’s just embarrassing but I had a Xmas gift card and we’re both broke so…..

But at this major chain restaurant, and you could probably guess it, we eat (snarf down like animals more like it…you don’t realize you are hungry on these marathon days until you stop for a moment), we pay, we get ready to leave and I look over to see Eric Ripert.

What…in…the hell…is he doing at a CHAIN restaurant. The man has the palette of silk and brocade. He’s not a tourist. Does he have a gift card too?

I stifle the urge to say hello and we return to Audition #4. The last. And the most surprising.

This is a lesson in never trying to determine the fate of any room or job. It’s also a lesson in remembering everyone you meet because you never know who you will run into again.

I go in and sing a ridiculous version of “The Gypsy in Me” – I am channeling Mel Brooks and Feydeau. Really the only show I could do is 39 Steps, but I don’t have a monologue because in 5 years of being a professional actor I’ve never really needed one.

And I’ve been lazy.

So I took a risk and went funny-nuts. And I get asked to sing a second song.

And I’m thinking: Huh? Come again.

I suppress the urge to say that and just sing what is asked of me. And I realize that one of the directors behind the table has met me twice before and seen me in a show. And it dawns on me I know his face. And I realize, once again, how beautiful and small this business can be. And how grateful I am that people remember me when I never think anything I do on stage is going to carry over to any future job or audition.

Kim is as surprised as I am. But in completely positive ways. And I find that this little initiative could really be a good thing. For me. For others. Maybe even for the business – small parts of it. We’re going again on Wednesday. I am just tagging along and going for a ride with no plan. Because if there is one thing I learned about this business a long time ago, it was to grab onto the beast by the horns and let it take you for a ride. And sure I may have some shitty days doing it, but that’s all part of it. So I am looking forward to those as well.

And the worst that could happen is I could get a job out of it…and if that’s the worst then what do I have to lose, really?

So what do you have to lose?