(going through all my old blog posts from years ago is proving to be a revelatory and depressing activity – what in the hell was WRONG with me then??)

When I was a kid – an eye-rolling opener to ANY anecdote – I used to pour  water down this little ant hole right outside our house and wait for the denizens to come scurrying out.  I was always amazed by the organized chaos and the hierarchy of those with wings, those carrying larva, those trying to find an enemy to fight, and those with no purpose other than to wander.

That is one reason I became a teacher and why I enjoy the process of teaching.  Enjoy is too weak a word, I LOVE it.  I should clarify that I love teaching college, live and in person – a brief stint teaching high school assured my assumption that it is NOT the arena for me.

As a college teacher I love poking and prodding my students – treating the classroom like my own ant farm – undespotically, that is.  Pouring water into their comfort zones and seeing what comes forth in the skittering.  I love getting them to voice their prejudices and biases, to make them proud of their opinions, even if they might not be popular, in an effort to make sure they practice understanding even if they can’t accept .  And I am a bit of a mental voyeur wanting to peek in on both the surface and the hidden thoughts of those people sitting in the desks – people who for four years in high school were sometimes taught what to think not that they COULD think.

Tonight, however, I was shocked – something that is rare for me to experience after 10 years of having been there and done that.  I am not sure if the lack of a live classroom has led me to feel this way, but I am in love with the two classes I teach at a local college.  They are amazing human beings with so much potential – even when it tends itself to aggravation.  They make it enjoyable to teach, even when they frustrate the hell out of  me in their procrastination and urban apathy.

What I most love about them is their ability to digress from one topic to so many others while remaining cogent and aware and introspective.  Tonight, a digression became a full-halt when one of them came out to the class in an effort to deal with her frustration of the opinions being offered against gay marriage and adoption (which, strangely enough, was a digression from dealing with weight subcultures).  A couple of opinions were on the side of the notions being wrong, and screwed up, and messing up children who have to deal with trying to explain having two mommies or two daddies – essentially what are now antiquated ideas and antedeluvian religious broo-haa-ha.  I was completely amazed by the student’s bravery to use herself as a way to silence and educate.  At the end of the day, I don’t know if it worked to do anything other than force people into a muzzle, but my goal is to get them to understand and move past the “ick” factor to a deeper meaning outside of their personal preferences which may or may not be influenced by religious dogma.

Maybe I have become so cynical that I am approaching naivete and am making something out of nothing, but if nothing else I am enjoying finding the love of teaching again…and playing Devil’s Advocate.

If I sit in front of my computer another minute I am going to go insane. I know I have things to do but I am not sure when to do them. I have a thesis I could be writing. I am getting my workout hours in. But I have watched more TV and cleaned my hard drive so many times that I am officially growing moss. I am desperately trying to find a way to make some money this summer since USF is screwing me over with no classes this summer. Plus, I have reached my teaching limit (you would think that they would not limit how many semesters you could teach when they are desperate for teachers) so I am trying to find other places to teach in, but that all depends on the green card situation. THIS SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!! I got an offer from HCC, I just need my damn papers soI can work off-campus.

In unrelated news, the Evil Demon Bitch Queen is up to her usual bullshit. It’s nice when 40-year-olds act like they are ten. Everything in its time. Karma always has a way of getting someone back for all the negative energy they put out. The bitch WILL go down.

Well, I had a swell time at my mom’s house. I did laundry, watched TV, read a little, thought about redecorating her house (I got bored and read a Home Living mag), and slept in peace and quiet for a LONG time. I was in heaven…..and now…I am back in hell….but soon…they WILL be gone. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!

School again tomm….yay! Actually, I am looking forward to it. I can;’ really stand one of my classes….they seem to think they know it all and I keep proving them wrong again and again.  My other class I love because they are directly in line with what the class, college, and life are. It’s amazing the difference in classes.

I have spent most of my evening counseling friends. It has been a busy evening.

On a good theatrical note. I am looking forward to Side Show. 

I just wish school was not in the way and I had my green card. Of course, I am having second thoughts about leaving school because I REALLY want a PhD and I REALLY want to work with some of the profs in that department. But I must keep telling myself that life is out there, and, most importantly, I have NOOOOOOOOOOO money!

Ok, I am reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally starting to hate Wednesdays. I have had long days before, but my God. Being at school from 8 am to 9 pm is hellish. What makes it worthwhile and bearable is hanging out with and talking ot many of the new TAs I have gotten to know. They are so freaking amazing. We spend most of the day cracking our asses up. Thank God for people with a sense of humor.

This week has been nothing short of exhausting. I generally like my students and they are very eager to learn. I have met most of the new TAs and they seem very nice and eager to be there. The senior TAs on our list are working up quite an argument storm. And I have decided that I can’t afford to move and that something evil and nasty needs to be done about Rotunda and her bitch boy. I even bought 30 decibel ear plugs….and they did not work. Needless to say, the management is violating their own policies. And do they care? Nooooooooooooooooooo.

I am soooooooooooooooooooooo exhausted. First day of classes. It was a freakin’ zoo. I saw so many of my former students, including one from my first semester of teaching. It was kinda cool. My classes were interesting. So young and scared. I enjoy putting a little fear in them. It promises to be a good semester. I can’t write anymore, I need to sleep…that is…if Rotunda would roll over and die.

~~ WARNING: Long ass, VERY angry entry ahead ~~

Ok, so first of all. Not only am I exhausted as hell from rehearsal, and sick and motherfucking tired of driving to BFE everyday, but also rehearsal sucked both my titties and my ass. My mic pack kept flopping out and yanking my head and stopping me from doing the dances, I kept stepping on the fucking ribbons on my pants and yanking them off (I am now up to 11), forget about my thigh tights which will not stay up, and the poor orchestra had no clue what tempos to play any of the songs I was in, so they sucked.  And I mean they SUCKED. We’re not given any time to fix it or set the songs, so I can only imagine what the hell it is going to sound and look like on opening night. How’s that for publicity for the show? On a positive note, the lights look freaking awesome. Tomorrow had sure as hell better go better than tonight. Hate to be pessimistic, but unless we get a chance to work with the orchestra, the numbers are going to suffer. I am soooooooooo over it.

School today. Not only was I fucking bored sitting in class for two and a half hours. But my class that I teach informed me that all of them knew each other because they are a part of the PEP program….the university equivalent to GOALS programs in high schools. Now, this severely pisses me off, not because I think they are idiots and I got stuck with a bunch of rejects, no no no, I am pissed because they even have a program like that where students are placed simply because of their low SAT scores. They have their classes picked for them for one year. They mess up once and they are out of the program and therefore out of school; all 150 students in the program are housed together in the WORST dorm on campus with another “underachievement” group, they are led around on field trips, and have to meet with counselors every week. They are not allowed to drop out of classes or withdraw for ANY reason.

What the FUCK is wrong with universities? These poor kids feel like they are stupid and are being treated like stupid people. I made sure to assure them that they are going to be treated like every other student by me and will not have it easy because of the program. This is ridiculous to strip students of their most basic dignities and rights. They can’t even enjoy their first year of college. They can’t live where they want to, have jobs, or have cars. I am so glad I am getting out of this motherfucking system.

KISS MY ROYAL FUCKING ASS!

Now….how’s that for an angry rant? And Sara, if I were in your place, you know I would climb out on the balcony and get all ghetto on their asses.

Ok, saw Chicken Run on HBO tonight. What a freaking hilarious movie. I was laughing my ass off. It just reaffirms my belief that the British are the only ones who understand and utilize humor in the most subtle yet recognizable manner. That is a definite must have.

One more class session left. Have to write my syllabus for my summer class. One more week and I will have money for the DVD player. And counting down the months to the green card. I really hope this streak continues.

SCHOOL IS KICKING MY ASS!!!!

I HAVE NO FREAKING TIME TO BLOG!!!!

THIS IS WROOOOOOOOONG!!!!!

Ok, I have spent most of the day working on my syallbus, course schedule and what not for school. I must say it started out as a daunting task, but I have managed to complete all of it and I am relieved. I am, after all, obsessed with organization and color coding and office supplies and what not. It drives Sara to the brink of barfing sometimes. So we shall see.

I was supposed to go out with a friend tonight who, not surprisingly, didn’t call me. I spent about two hours on the phone with him last night helping him through another crisis and we made plans to talk and hang out. How deluded I was once again to think that he would actually follow through on this one.

Everything seems to be going well in Pilonidal Cyst land. It only hurts now when I lay directly on it and I am patiently waiting for it to go away. The worst part is that I can’t do any kind of working out or stretching until it is gone otherwise I could traumatize it again. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for the body of Adonis and the money of the Fortune 500.